We Have a  Listening Problem

We spend more time listening than we spend on almost any other form of communication. And we are, on average, quite bad at it.

We listen to respond, not to understand. We hear the first part of what someone says and spend the rest of the time formulating our reply. Real listening, the kind that changes things, is different. It's slower. It costs something. And it almost always reveals something the speaker didn't know how to say directly.

Sound expert Julian Treasure has studied the science of listening for decades. In his widely viewed TED Talk "5 Ways to Listen Better," he notes that we retain only about 25 percent of what we hear and offers a practical framework called RASA: Receive, Appreciate, Summarize, Ask. It sounds simple. Most people do none of these consistently. The most important conversations in your work and life are not waiting for better information. They are waiting for someone to listen.

Four listening habits worth building:

●  Put the device down completely. Not face down. Away.

●  Reflect back what you heard before responding. 'What I'm hearing is...' forces you to receive, not just process.

●  Ask one question before offering any solution, advice, or opinion.

●  Sit with silence. The discomfort of a pause is almost always worth what comes next.

Reflective Questions

●  Think of the last important conversation you were in. What percentage of the time were you genuinely receiving versus waiting to respond?

●  Is there someone in your life who regularly says you never really listen? What might they be trying to tell you?

●  What is one conversation you've been avoiding that would benefit from you listening more than talking?

Listen to Episode 4 of Move Toward: Unlocked for the story of a basketball player, a second date, and what happened when someone finally stopped talking long enough to hear what was being said.